My grandfather is a cool dude. For one, he is a human map. He has driven cross-country hundreds of times, and he knows every street in the U.S. Not every highway, but every single street. Every landmark. Every alleyway in the whole entire United States. He’s like an autistic kid, except that he’s not lol.
So, a few years ago I was in NY to see da homie E-Boogie’s dance concert (she was working on an MFA in dance). Her school was up in Yonkers somewheres, but we wanted to go hang out in the city after the show. Naturally, I had no idea the best route to take. This was pre-smartphone and pre-GPS for me. So, I called my grandfather, the human map, and handed E-Boogie my cell phone. We told him what intersection we were at, and he literally gave us turn-by-turn directions, down to telling us what landmarks were coming up and when. Truly, he is a genius!
But during that highway time he decided to ask E-Boogie a little about herself. I’m driving and he on the phone talmbout “Ohhhh, you’re a dancer. You must have nice legs. Are you tall? How tall?…. ohhh weee!”
It was REAL fresh. Like he was really over there trying to get her complete description like this was some 1996 AOL chatroom and not a speakerphone conversation with your granddaughter’s friend. And ever since that day, he ALWAYS asks me how is was doing. “How’s my favorite granddaughter? ….. That’s nice…. so how is your dancer friend?”
A few months ago, I was in NY visiting E-Boogie again and we stopped by Granddad’s apt in Queens to say wassup. My grandfather is now almost completely blind, but when he answered the door he was so excited that I had brought a friend. I don’t think he realized it was the same friend at first, but he immediately started talking about how tall she was. Clearly, he has a thing for long legs. Then he goes “Well, you smell good, so I bet you look good!” The undertone of his voice just wasn’t Kosher!
Granddad, STOP! This is inappropriate. First of all, you’re married. Second of all, you’re old as hell. Third of all, why are you more interested in my friends than me?!?! LMAO. Damn dirty old men!
It’s not as bad as Morgan Freeman actually booing up his step-granddaugter, but I still just don’t approve!
