Let me tell you a little story. The following transpired on Twitter last night:
My Friend (who was locked out of car): My car is treating me like Ciara at the Grammys “You look familiar but…. nope can’t let you in”
Me: Ouch! Poor CiCi.
Ciara STAN: Ciara has a Grammy you ignorant, BET-watching cunts!
(If anything ever came out of LEFT field, it’s that comment lol)
Me: Unless the Grammys added a category for penis-popping, I’ont believe it. YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE.
Ciara Stan: *runs to get more people*
Me: *Chuckles to self and goes to bed*
The nerve to call me a BET-watcher! For serious, I read it with the WTF face. Like, was that REALLY necessary AT ALL? But whatever. I like saying “You need more people”, so I did. #shoutout to Jay-Z
This morning I wake up, and I have a whole gang of messages from Ciara’s army of fans, calling me all types of bitches, stupid cunts, telling me I need to save my coins for facelift, and sending photos of Ciara holding her Grammy. Seriously. My intial reaction was just to bust out laughing. Clearly, I had made someone feel some sort of way! Then I just started thinking…….why are people so gangsta on the innerwebs? I had totally forgot. I mean, the last time I remember internet gangstas was during the high school black planet days. Needless to say, I won’t be returning any digital threats. I just let it be. But I will say this:
I can be a bitch all day long. I know I am called a bitch (in their head) everytime I hand someone back a test with a D on it, or ask someone at work to do something they don’t feel like doing. I can be a bitch. But one thing I will never be is a broke bitch. If I wanted a facelift, I’d write a check. CHURCH!
Now if they had come back with some smart/witty shit, I’d have actually enjoyed it. I loves me a battle of wits. And clearly if Ciara has a Grammy I stand corrected. But c’mon son, a facelift? I mean, let’s examine a photo of me without makeup. The smooth almondy skin, the naturally arched brows, the full lips, the perfect Colgate smile that has never seen a cavity. You can find shit to criticize about me, but my face? Honey, it gets no better. I’m horny right now just thinking about it. I’m looking like muhfuggin perfection all up & through that area. There are things you could criticize about me that would be valid…. but my face? No. Just no.
But I digress……… I am still shocked that the Academy has smiled upon Ciara, but I don’t harbor any hatred towards her. Promise was my song for a minute. It’s just not that damn serious! I had totally forgot that the internet is the place where all the gangstas live. I wonder how these people act in real life. Anyhoo, I hope you found this story enjoyable as I enjoyed wasting company time to tell it to you. I bid you adiue with this:
Some of us have 50-eleven Grammies