Hi. My name is Shelly, and if I ever get married, I want a big ass diamond engagement ring. Stupid big. Ridiculous, gaudy, J.Lo or Beyonce big. Just ignant big.
I am NOT a materialistic person. I generally don’t buy brand name clothes. Never cared enough to own a pair of Jordan’s. I’ve never had a new car. I could not tell you who made my handbag. It’s just not that deep to me most of the time. But in THIS area, I really want to be fancy.
Why? Well, unlike those other examples, an engagement ring is not a temporary item. This is something I have to wear every day, for the rest of my life. And I just want it to be awesome, unique, and BIG. Like my breastesess. If I was gonna pick one thing in life to “splurge” on, I’m gonna pick the thing that is getting the most use in my lifetime. So that would be the mattress and the ring. The awesome thing about the ring is, it’s not something that is going to lose a ton of it’s value over time. You buy an expensive car, and it’s whack 5 years later. You buy a big ass diamond, hoes are jealous FOREVER!
So, I want a big ass ring. That is ALL I WANT. I don’t want to fuss about it. I don’t want to bargain or compromise. I am not asking that it be from Tiffany (although it should be of high quality). I don’t need an elaborate proposal written in the sky. I just want my left hand to cause high amounts of jealousy and envy of other women. I want people to look at my hand and think “damn, she must have some good p****”. That’s what I want. I want to look like I cannot lift my hand to wipe the sweat from my brow that the glare from the huge ass rock is causing.
I’ve never asked men for much as far as expenditures. I don’t ask men for money to get my nails done. I don’t ask for people to pay my phone bill. I pay my own damn telephone bills and automo-bills. I’d rather him take all that little money he isn’t giving me to get my hair done over the course of the relationship, and put it into an account so that when the time comes he can buy me a big ridiculous ass ring. It would also be super awesome if it was somewhat unique in the setting. I loathe plain solitaires. LOATHE! DO. NOT. WANT.
But Shelly, wouldn’t you rather him spend the money on something more practical, like a down payment on a house? Well, I have a house already. So…… I WANT MY DAMN RING. I don’t have kids so that affords me the ability to be completely selfish if I so choose. And I just want a big ass ring. Simple. You are not going to convince me otherwise. If all I get is a diamond chip, I’m gonna cry. I’m gonna feel like he didn’t care enough to take it seriously and invest in something special. One of a kind would make me feel pretty darn special.
Now, I am writing this post as a single person because it would probably cause an uncomfortable conversation if I were in a relationship. Especially if my boo was broke. And I’m not saying I’m too good for a broke man. I like broke people. I have broke friends. I ain’t but 5 mins out of the struggle my damn self. And it’s not like I’m really checking for a dude to buy me a Maserati. So, in the long run, I’m really not that excited by the idea of a rich man, other than possibly getting a personal chef. So I’ll take a regular dude working his way to the top. But he’s gonna have to find a way to get me a big ass ring JUST THIS ONCE. I want kids to think I got on a ring pop. And, it needs to be proportionate with my hips anyway. Right? It’s basic feng shui!
Funny thing is, jewelry isn’t even a part of my regular daily routine. I almost never wear anything. I’m not that flashy. My skin is so sensitive to most metals that I never got into the habit of it. So sorry, but I can’t wear the fake stuff most chicks pick up on the accessory wall at H&M. But please believe if you drape me in diamonds I will wear them! I will wear my love boldly and proudly on my left hand.
When I see people with baby ass diamond chips looking like they crafted their ring from some glitter and leftover rhinestones from the nail shop, it just makes me sad. I don’t want to be the sad girl looking at a ring with some glitter on it for the next 60 years. Getting married is a big deal. So it just irks me to see ugly engagement and wedding rings. People put so much time into putting together an outfit for the club…… but then wanna be lazy and cheap about some shit they gotta wear for their whole life? YOUR WHOLE LIFE!!! A piece of jewelry that actually means something? Marriage is an EPIC deal. Purchase my ring accordingly. If I’m gonna be washing your draws for the next 50 years, come correct.
Does a big ring mean he loves you more? No. But if he loves me, he will at least read this blog and know that it’s important to me. I know some brothas are gonna be mad at this. So feel free to sound off in the comments.
But I still want my ring. Maybe it’s because I’m just way into good old fashioned romance. What do my other ladies think?