Everytime you fake it, a kitten dies

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Everytime you fake it, a kitten dies

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

After this morning’s conversation in the Twitterverse, it has come to my attention that for many among us, faking ‘The Big O’ is a way of life.

Now I understand sometimes if it’s not working out you just want it over with so you can have that V8. But I am asking you, on behalf of all women, not to fake it for the sake of the male ego. Faking effectively encourages bad behavior on the part of men. If you reward lackluster performance, he is gonna go on to the next woman thinking he is beating it up. And she gone be like -_-.  YAWN. And it’s not even his fault – it’s yours. That’s likely why YOU are having to fake now. Cuz he is doing all the tricks he thought were successful with the last chick. Cuz she out here faking. It’s a vicious cycle. And it must be stopped.

You out there talking all that shit making him think his stroke is the deepest. *insert eye roll* He thinks you’re telling your friend “Girl…. it’s like his d*ck was TALKING to me”. #lovejones. But nawl. You was over there wishing he would slow it down, or speed it up, or point towards the North Star. But you didn’t communicate any of that. That’s YOUR bad. Then when he finally meets a chick that doesn’t fake the funk, his ego is bruised. He feels like a failure. He doesn’t understand why all his old tricks aren’t working this time. He doesn’t know how to take constructive criticism. It’s hard to tell someone it wasn’t all that great. But sometimes it must be done. You gotta have the courage to look a man in the eye and tell him you didn’t cum. And why. Just don’t be an asshole about it. Think in terms of suggestions. Say what would be RIGHT instead of what went horribly wrong.

I know it’s hard. We shy away from the tough conversations. But it must be done. I’ve done it, and lived to tell the story. You will survive. Personally, I can cum off of damn near anything….like a good swift wind. So if I have an experience that doesn’t get me to the promised land….. we gone need to figure out why.  You can’t have a good Chicago Hawk up my skirt showing you up. That’s embarrassing.

Now maybe you are a women who doesn’t orgasm vaginally. Woo woo woo. That’s a sad state of affairs. But you might as well tell him that. Give him the knowledge of what the hell is going on so he can adjust his attack plan accordingly. Maybe you can explore some things together and find out that it IS actually possible to have a vaginal orgasm. If you’ve never had an open & honest conversation about it, how do you conclude that you simply cannot orgasm vaginally? If he thinks what he is doing is working (based on you faking) then there’s no incentive to switch it up. However, if you are communicating exactly what you are feeling, he can follow that lead. Meditate on that shit. Free your mind. Let it flow.

Is stroking the male ego really more important than enjoying yourself? Save those fakes for emergency situations. Say, you got a leg cramp. Or hubby is trying to go all night and u gotta get up early in the morning. Don’t be doing that shit all willy-nilly.

I’ve heard chicks who faked on one night stands. WTF!?!?! If you wanna be all loosey-goosey with the coochie that’s on you. I won’t judge. But then to fake? That’s just…. unnecessary. Why are you worried about the fragile ego of a man who don’t know you and probably doesn’t even want to know you? That makes no sense. If anything, THAT’S the main dude you need to be giving instructions to. Like Jody says, you got to be out in these streets telling these hoes the truth. He doesn’t have any other purpose in being in your life other than to pleasure you at this time. Don’t stand idly by and let him fail at that task. If you had a one nighter and don’t even have an orgasm to show for it you basically got played to the 15th power on that one. Cuz he got his. He’s winning….. and you ma’am, are losing.

So I ask you, on behalf of all women who have sex with men, to STOP FAKING. Print t-shirts. Tell your friends. If we stick together we can all have better sex.

*Gets off soapbox*

So, what say you America? Agree? Disagree?

By | 2013-07-16T17:55:28+00:00 January 23rd, 2012|Rants, Relationships|1 Comment