So last night was the night that we all watched BET. Each summer we are sucked into watching because it’s one of the only times we get to see all of our stars gathered together. And normally there is a performer of two that you haven’t seen in a while that makes it worth tuning in. So around 7 I turned my TV on, and the pre-show was well under way (it started at 6).
The pre-show is basically like a live version of 106 & Park with Rocsi & Terrance J. I immediately realize I am too old for this shit. I, like many grown folks on Twitter, could not identify the seemingly random urban youths on my screen. We often joke about getting older…… but this is a sure sign that I am in fact grown as hell. This little boy has on a jean vest with cheetah print patches on it and capris! Capris! Yet, the song lyrics indicate that he is heterosexual. He’s rapping about snapbacks and tattoos. I have no idea what snapbacks are. And I truly have no idea who this child is — though, as @Luvvie pointed out, he looks suspiciously like Chris Brown and Wiz Khalifa’s lovechild. But a jean vest with cheetah patches? Is this what makes the young girls go crazy now?
Then I am bombarded with all the “urban” commercials the Fortune 500 could produce. Women in their 30s rapping about cars and dancing about McDonald’s treats. -_- I’ll pass. My greatest hope as a marketer is that one day the Multiculural Marketing departments will get a damn clue. I don’t let this type of foolery happen in the companies I work for.
Then they decide to premiere Willow Smith’s new video, ‘I Am Me’. Now, because she’s like 10, I will let Willow live. Anything you write/sing at her age is worthy of a pat on the back. And the song is about being comfortable, confident, and happy in your own skin. That’s great. Kids need that. That being said, I watched that video with the blankest of stares. It was giving me 90’s emo Lillith Fair realness. It just wasn’t what I was ready for going into the 2012 BET Awards. It was what I would expect from some white woman at the MTV awards. Now, I have nothing against Lillith Fair. I am sure it was wonderful. It is just not to be aired on BET in 2012. At least she wasn’t poppin it on a handstand. Small victories.
Next we are introduced to TGT. Tyrese-Ginuwine-Tank. They are a new supergroup who describes themselves as “The R&B Avengers”. I’m guessing Trey Songz and Chris Brown are the villains in this comic book series. But clearly no one has read them the tale of LSG. That would be Levert-Sweat-Gill. Remember that?
More miscellaneous urban youths perform. And now, it’s time for the show.
The fact that Beyonce’s former backup singers Michelle Williams and LaToya Luckett are sitting together tickles me. Especially since one basically replaced the other.
Chris Brown brings floor exercises from the U.S. Olympic team. And body paint. I have questions. And, no one told him you’re supposed to do the “urban” songs at BET and do the “euro-pop” songs at MTV. He really needs a better team.
I have many questions about this Django Unleashed film from Quentin Tarantino. I’m certain I’m going to be offended. I’m already offended Jamie Foxx compared it to Roots.
D’Angelo is alive. He started singing ‘How Does It Feel’ and I could barely hold on to my panties. And that was before I even saw him. I just had a flashback of the video and what that did for me in my young inexperienced life. He gives us old school funk. Ok, D.
Usher performed. No one remembers.
Melanie Fiona sang. I wanted to care more than I did. She sounded good, I just couldn’t bring myself to care that much. I really want that girl to find some happy.
Rappers rapped over their own vocals. Not understanding why you can afford to wear Gucci and Louis at the same damn time, but not an instrumental.
Simpson does a tribute for Ashford. Awww.
A woman vaguely resembling Chante Moore does a tribute to Donna Summer. She hit some notes. It was nice.
T.J. Holmes is fine. I might give his new show a chance. Hope leaving CNN works out for him. IDK homey.
Sam Jackson is talking about the struggles of the LBGTI community. Ok, now I know what LBGT stands for….. but that ‘I’ threw me for a loop. The Tweeps chimed in and let me know it was “Intersex”. You learn something new everyday! Now that we have a vowel, I think we should re-order it to be GBLIT. Pronounce as ‘Giblet’? No? I’m just trying to make it easier. LBGTI is a mouthful….. pause.
The camera cuts to either Beyonce or Kim K for most of the show. Beyonce knows ratchet song lyrics. She beez in the trap listening to Maybach Music. And poor Kim looks uncomfortable. She looks as if she has never heard any of these Maze feat. Frankie Beverly songs.
Maze makes me happy! I can’t help but get up and dance. Yes!
Beyonce wins award but clearly isn’t all that enthused since she has 489665114 of them. But she is gracious. And she corrects other people’s slander, which is her specialty. After
B2K Jr Mindless Behavior make a joke about Lauryn Hill’s taxes before introducing Beyonce, Beyonce gets up and dedicates her award for best R&B female to the women who came before her. Such as Lauryn Hill. Good move, Bey. Good move.
Two Bey videos and two Jay videos go up against each other. Otis wins. Beyonce playfights Jay. They so cute! Jay-Z ‘Kanye’s’ Kanye’s acceptance — “I’mma let you finish”. Kanye reminds him “I was defending YOUR girl”. Everyone laughs. All is well.
BET’s commercials for itself are great. They almost make me feel like I’m missing something by not tuning in. They know this is their biggest audience and they are promoting themselves properly. Game recognized.
Whitney Tribute. YES. Absolutely!!!!! Monica sang that down and I think she got close to losing it at the end. Brandy gave us more dance moves than I have seen her give in forever, and I was pleased. Very pleased. Then Cissy comes out and I am NO MO GOOD. I don’t even understand how Cissy made it through the song. Cuz no one else in the room did. Then they bring out Chaka who is FINE at 59. She will take your man with a hair flip. I ain’t lyin! But Chaka should have come before Cissy. Cissy just needed to end the whole damn show. That was clearly the MOMENT of the night. I love that the Whitney tribute was basically friends & family of Nippy. People she might have chosen as opposed to who is hot at the moment. This is when you gotta appreciate BET. Because someone at BET contacted Nippy’s family. And no other network really would have put together that lineup, mostly because they don’t know enough about Whitney as a person to understand the importance of that lineup. MTV would just call Christina Aguilera.
Solange’s boo wins an award for Beyonce’s vid. He tells us Solange is the love of his life on national TV. Meanwhile, the rest of us can’t get a dude to claim us on Facebook. 🙁
Cut to post show. I appreciate Wendy Raquel Robinson’s new weave. I’m not interested enough to keep watching.
And there you have it!